So...after all the crazy weather that we've been having this "spring"...today is finally a day where we have genuinely good weather. It's a solid 50 something, all day today. The suns out and a mighty breeze is swirling around campus. I love it. I love this kind of weather. Makes me happy. Teehee.

So...regardless of the beautiful weather...I'm sitting here in the library with Alicia, attempting to get some Research Methods reading done. I took a break from reading for a bit and I looked out the window that is right next to me. As I was looking out the window, I did some people watching. Various people walked by the window. A lot of different people. Then, a thought hit me...

This tiny little campus is comprised of so many different people. All different kinds of people, living together as one...all on one campus. It made me appreciate the size of my campus. Don't get me wrong...I have always loved the size of Marquette...but, I think it really just hit me. It's nice to be able to see familiar faces day by day when I'm walking to classes or to meetings. It's nice that...despite the size of our campus, there are still so many different people all with seemingly one purpose. To be here...at Marquette. It's not a huge campus like UofI...where, of course, there's a lot of different people...but, it's nice. It's nice that I can get that big campus feel on a campus that is stretched out on one main street. Heh. It makes me appreciate the beauty of the campus much more too. This campus is beautiful during the spring/summertime. I'm excited to see the beauty unfold in a couple of weeks. Teehee. Definitely will be up here as often as I can throughout the summer.  

Another epiphane that came to my mind while I sat here...was this feeling of peace that I have been feeling all day. I have an English research paper due this Thursday...and what do I have done? No research...no outline...just, a solid idea. Heh. And yet, am I panicked? No...surprisingly. I'm normally freaking out...but, I'm at peace. Really at peace. I was having this talk with Barb last night...about God giving us that sense of peace and rest when we really need it. It baffles me...even though I haven't really been living my day to day life with God, He still knows when I need the peace and rest...He knows when I need to quiet my heart...and He helps me with it. He doesn't just leave me alone to handle it on my own, just because that's how I've been handling things. But, He never hesitates to intervene...cause He always knows what's best for me on a day to day basis. It's awesome. Actually. That's why I can write this, when I have like 20 minutes left till class starts. Heh. O well...

I think beautiful weather makes me happy. And think. Heh.

I want to walk to the lake sometime...hehe.  

5 weeks left and I'm semi-freaking out. Grades aren't where I want them and I can't seem to focus anymore. Ugh. But, I will stay strong...and I will finish off this semester strong. I am determined and I know I can do it.

Sorry...felt the need to blog like this. Heh.

So, tonight is Good Friday and we all know the story of Good Friday. So, went to church tonight...honestly, not expecting some huge revival. Honestly, I went in and hoped to avoid a particular someone. I guess I didn't think about what the night was supposed to be...and, God reminded me tonight.

There was good praise songs...and an awesome sermon from Pastor Aaron. It wasn't until the end of the sermon though, that...it got to me. We were all given a nail at the beginning and there was a sheet of paper underneath our chairs. The papers were black on one side and white on the other. We were to scratch into the black side our sins and the things that we were struggling with. We were told to pray about them and listen for God. I realized that a lot of mine came down to two things. Pride...and Anger. Pride, for thinking that I can do everything on my own. Pride, for thinking that I was better. Pride, for assuming I knew what God was thinking. Pride, for not trusting. Anger, for not letting go. Anger, got staying bitter. Anger, for not forgiving. Anger, for not moving. I thought through everything and it came down to these two things. Why I can't just let go of these two...I don't know? After, we were told to pray and reflect. Then, to take the nail and poke it through the paper. And we were supposed to drop it into the buckets along the wall. I sat there and looked at my paper...the side with the scratchings. I prayed that God would help me through these things. I told Him that I was sorry. I told Him to please forgive me. Then, I attempted to drive the nail through the paper. I had the hardest time doing it. Heh. It took me about 8 times to do it. Finally, it went through the paper, but on the time that I didn't notice. After trying numerous times, and it not going through, I stopped looking. After I looked at it...that's what hit me tonight.

This representation made me realize that I really was one of the people that helped crucify Jesus all those years ago. I drove the nails through His hands. I did it...through my sins. And looking at the nail through the paper...it made that real to me. I sat there with that sheet of paper in my hands...realizing what I did. What I was responsible for. The black on one side and the white on the other. Jesus came down to become sin for us, and yet was still perfect. It's like I stabbed someone in the back and didn't realize who it was...until I looked in the front. My hands shook slightly...and I realized what Good Friday was really about.

After that, I was speechless before God. I had nothing to say. I couldn't say anything. I reflected...and prayed that He would continuously help me. During the final praise time...I felt that first love in my heart again. I felt that passion. My heart felt a bit ablazed. I felt so full...that I sang louder and louder. (My voice is hoarse right now...teehee) It was amazing...

On the drive home, I realized one more thing. I need to really trust God. With everything. My worries. My anxieties. My fears. My blessings. My anger. My will. My present. My future. My life. Everything. So, that's what I'm learning to do. Trust God.

Thank You Jesus...for your sacrifice.